Much has been written about Sushant Singh Rajput’s unfortunate death. Every day a new sensational piece of information is added to the already confounding situation. Each day a revelation and yet inconclusive. Everyone is just speculating.
My heart goes out to his family. Neither they were quite informed about his life when he was alive, nor do they have any clue about his death. There was a tweet where someone said that he was burdened with being a son of a toxic Bihari family. While I strongly oppose the tweet, there is a contestable point for why I wanted to write my pov about it.
While the kids are provided with all kinds of luxuries, the comfort of expressing themselves freely is rarely extended. Kids are taught to be accepting in nature and questioning is hardly entertained. We have always been told to not to talk back to elders. Not even when one has a valid point. The term ‘healthy debate’ is practically non existent. The kids who follow this are labeled as ‘Achha Baccha’ and as a result poor kid tries to manage this label whole life. They continue on the ‘please everyone’ phase in their adult life as well. The frustration builds up in that person as he/she tries to live upto his/her image. I know so many people who are extremely well behaved with everyone but are super angry person in the closet.
There is nothing wise in celebrating parental autocracy. Look at our movies, they reinforce similar ideas. Please read this famous dialogue of the blockbuster Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham…”Mata pita ki aagya ka palan karna hamara dharm hai“. I am sorry if this is right than we will raise robots only and not a human being. The boy who was told to be “good” and study hard for engineering might never give himself the option of ever pursuing a career in arts. The little girl who was taught never to question, could end up in an abusive marriage and not have the courage to speak up or argue because all through her childhood she was made to believe that good girls keep people around them happy. If we need women to break out of the exhausting idea of selflessness, then pressuring them to “be a good girl” is exactly the sort of thing that needs to stop.
The onus is on us parents and guardians to go beyond focusing on their milestones of growth and development. We should ideally raise them to be as emotionally capable as intelligent, if not more. Allow your kids the opportunity and luxury of an argument; let them challenge a perspective before you diss them for not being a ‘achcha bachcha’. I sincerely feel that communication is the key to any successful relationship; be it with your parents, kids or partner. And NO, “aaj kya khaya”, “kya banaya” does not recompense the gap. There is much more than just inquiring whether you have eaten or not for an effective communication. Ask them how they feel, how their day had gone. Participate in their emotions. Do not listen with an intent to reply, listen with an intent to understand the emotion behind their words. Tell them about your experience through the day.
A heart to heart talk can alleviate a depressed mood and leave a heart warm enough to face any problems, small or big.